SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - NAG NAG NAG

Unfinished business in our lives is a nag!

It just sits there and chatters away - intermittent and sometimes incessant sound bites…

We can try to ignore the noise.

We are constantly exhorted to 'forget it!', 'ignore it!' and 'let it go!'   Blah  Blah  Blah…

But maybe there's a reason that noise persists?

Maybe there's a gift there?

You know, one of those 'I keep bumping into this so maybe there's something for me to learn here, moments?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

MEDITATIONS ON UNFINISHED BUSINESS:

Pay attention and look for the gift

Get it… then clean it up

Resolve it

Finish   finish   finish

Now let it go!

EXIT STRATEGIES

Here's an interesting thought:

When most of us think about the New Year and all those resolutions we're thinking about the future, right?

You know, tomorrow…

BUT

What about all that unfinished business from this past year?

What do ya say?

Got any good 

exit strategies?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - TAKING IT IN

What we needed:  truth, love, support, recognition, applause…

Here's a lovely story of a moment of 'turn-around'…

The new mother's heart opened as she held her child, even though she thought about what she hadn't ever gotten from her own mother.

That mother (grandmother, now) came for a visit and the new mother actually felt her own heart healing as she watched her mother give the new baby the love she had never given her daughter.

The new mother could have felt anger, even jealousy, but instead took in that second-hand love and allowed it to begin to heal her own hurt…

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

We don't heal by pretending not to have suffered hurt.

We can heal by recognizing our need, and opening ourselves up to that second-chance love that actually does exist…

As you go through the day, look for those moments - they don't even have to belong to you, but can occur between those around you.

A shared smile, a laugh, a moment of kindness.

Allow yourself to take them in - incorporating them into your own self.

GIVING AND GETTING…

There are things we've needed and wanted… and didn't get.

Obviously, we're not talking about those wrapped holiday gifts...

Was it our fault we didn't get what we needed?

Something defective in us?

Or was it about those others - usually mothers and fathers, siblings, even teachers - and their own defective 'giving' gene?

And how do we find the balance? The healthy, full place for us?

What do ya say?

The holidays, and certainly the New Year, are interesting times to think about this, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - YA GOTTA LAUGH!

In 1978 a man named Norman Cousins wrote 'Anatomy of an Illness' https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Cousins

an amazing tale of his journey laughing himself out of pain.

Today we know that certain hormones and chemicals are released with laughter that actually can have an impact on our well being.

We also have realized that being proactive in our own healthcare - both mental and physical - makes a difference.

It seems our brains like the effort…

Being passive, on the other hand, often seems to lead us on a downward spiral, compounding pain and suffering.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

LAUGH IT OFF!

Cousins was really determined to test his theory - he loaded up on lots of funny films and actually began writing his own jokes…

Where do you go to look for the laugh?

Sometimes it's right in front of us but we ignore it…

As you go through your day see how many funny - ludicrous- silly - wacky - off color - moments you allow yourself to collect!

CACKLE…CACKLE

We LOVE the internet, right?

And we LOVE being able to order things online…

Makes life sooo much easier!

But

Sometimes those processors get a leetle mixed up…

YES, THEY DO!

Yesterday an interesting ad popped up on one of my sites…

"Happy Hen Treats Mealworm Frenzy"

No, I am not kidding!

And yes I do live in an apartment in NYC… No hens.

What do ya say?

You get the takeaway on this one, right?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - SPEAKING OUT

People seem to enjoy complaining… but often not to the perp!  

There's a difference between asking for a remedy to a bad situation and just enjoying the sound of a good kvetch.

The first one puts you out there and can create high visibility and make you a target, but perhaps get something fixed…

The second is basically enjoying the sound of your own voice.

Some of us learn in our families and societies to 'step up to the plate' and try to make a difference…

Sometimes we really do succeed and help others and ourselves - sometimes not.

Sometimes we get applause - sometimes not.

The important thing is to decide what feels right and legitimate to you.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

IMPORTANT NOTE TO SELF:

External bullies are about control…

Internal bullies are too!

If you decide not to take a step in dealing with something: 

Support your decision.  No self scolding!

If you decide to take a step and make waves: 

See the bullies who try to shut you down for what they are - mostly people who don't want to deal with whatever you are bringing to the light!

                                                                                          

SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

Remember this one:

'The squeaking wheel gets the oil'?

Hmmm…

Or does it get removed…

When we complain - even being 100% in the right - what happens?

Seems like if enough people are on board - no problem.

But

If you're squeaking all by your lonesome?

What do ya say?

Been out there much?

How did you deal?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - LET (IT) GO!

"If I just keep trying," we tell ourselves.

"Try harder," we demand.

With these words we bully ourselves into holding on to beliefs and positions that are way past their expiration dates.

We get stubborn:  "I can make this work!"

We get defiant:  "I know this is the right way!"

In the end, we often hold ourselves responsible:  "It's my fault it's not working!" we moan, blaming ourselves instead of an antiquated belief.

What we accept as true in our childhood is often crucial for our survival - which can easily give these beliefs a special, dug in, power.

It's interesting to think about how much changes for us as we mature and what gets stuck!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Think about your own self defeating behaviors and beliefs…

Make a list of the things you tell yourself about the world and your place in it…

Think about how - and perhaps when - you learned this attitude. 

Did you hear someone say this was the truth?

See someone behave this way?

Imagine talking to that person about how their attitude affected you.

What would you say?

Now make a list of the behaviors and beliefs that you might want to let go…

What do you feel as you do this?

CHANGE - SCHMANGE…

Check this out:

"Hey, I know what I'm doing doesn't work… but I'll be damned if I am going to give it up!  And you can't make me!"

"After all I've believed it for all these years… and I won't admit defeat!"

Huh?

What do ya say?

Does this make any sense to you?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - THE 'CON'- PART II

Yesterday's post about 'Fakin' It' got a lot of responses…

"But wait," they demanded, "are you saying this is bad?"

And here's another one:

"Hey, sometimes faking it is all you've got!  It can be a major survival move…"

And finally:

"I hate it when those big smile people turn on the charm in my direction!  Do they really think I'm so stupid that I can't see that one coming?"

Interesting responses, right?

Maybe this one doesn't have to be so rigid?

Maybe the answer lies in being aware of what you are doing - or buying into - and why?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

There are times we consciously buy into 'cons'…

Think movies and books.

Ask yourself when's the last time you read a totally fake story or watched one of those bogus movies and came away smiling?

Now ask yourself what the payoff was?

Did the 'con' make you criticize your own reality and feel bad about yourself?

Or

Did it create a momentary reprieve from daily life that allowed you to return to your own reality feeling refreshed?

When you watched the magician saw that lady in half you knew enough not to go home and try it yourself, right?

FAKIN' IT…

Remember that expression:  'Fake it til you make it'?

Ever stop to think what that actually meant?

Who were you supposed to be 'faking'?

You?

Them?

And what did 'making it' really mean?

A change of reality?

A con?

Hmmm…

Check this out:

Snake charmers appear to hypnotize snakes by playing a flute... The snakes sway, as if mesmerized by the music.

But herpetologists say that snakes can’t hear sounds in the same frequency range as humans, and that their “dance”
is simply a reaction to the movement of the instrument by the snake
charmer.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-type-of-music-works-best-for-snake-charming.htm?m

What do ya say?

Got a magic flute?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - WHERE'S YOUR POWER SEAT?

We make choices about where we sit…

The head of the class or the table?  

The middle of a circle or the periphery?

These choices are often reflective of our feelings about ourselves and the groups we are participating in.

What's even more interesting is that often when we change our physical position we can also change our outlook!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

Of course we are not only talking about your physical seat…

But…

The next time you're at a family event or any group setting ask yourself how you feel where you are sitting or standing…

Then experiment by moving to a different position in the room.

Now ask yourself if this feels different.

How?

Keep the experiment going and see what you discover.

  

.

WHERE DO YOU SIT?

We were talking about those horrendous mega large classes in school - 200 bored students - one bored professor in the front mumbling away…

In Spain, we used to stop in the bar on the first floor to fortify ourselves for the torment.  Truth!

In the US that didn't seem to be an option…

"So," I asked, "How did you handle it?"

"Well", she answered, "I sat in the front and pretended I was the only one in the room…"

Is that creative, or what?

"So," she asked, "what did you do?"

"Heh, heh", I responded.

"I sat in the last row getting ready to escape…"

What do ya say?

What position do you take?

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING - MOVING ON!

We struggle with all our negative feelings - anger, resentment, being judgmental.

From the time we are little we are admonished to behave:  'No hitting!', 'Be nice!'.

Clearly that didn't work too well, since as grown-ups we have not stopped hitting and beating each other - and ourselves - with our words and anger.

So, what's the answer?

We actually have many tools to resolve our angry, resentful feelings.  

We can use imaginary dialogs, fantasy releases, figuring out the original source of our feelings and taking a time trip to repair the old damage. 

We can even ask ourselves what we are getting from holding on to the past.

Lots of tools and lots of opportunity to repair our reality and upgrade our lives!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS                           

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas…

HERE'S THE MANTRA FOR THIS ONE:

NOW IS THE TIME TO BE HERE!

FAKE IT?

NO!

FIND IT!

FIX IT!

AND MOVE ON!