SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

In our early human history we used physical weapons against the predators that surrounded us.  We still need to protect ourselves emotionally from the dangers to our personal boundaries. 

Sometimes these threats are intentional but more often they are caused by the unthinking blundering of other humans who don’t even realize that they are intruding.

It is our job to reinforce and strengthen our own boundaries.  As counterintuitive as it may seem, it is our ability to protect ourselves emotionally that allows us to be open and vulnerable when it is appropriate!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Humans have always had “mantras” against the evil eye.  If we expand on this concept – the need for a physical expression of protection - we can understand that it empowers us – first it creates an awareness of danger and then an act to metaphorically shield us from the negativity. 

People wear all sorts of talismans ...

Have all sorts of sayings …

Make many different gestures…

Can you think of a few examples?

In modern society we tend to minimize the importance of these gestures and tokens.  However,  another way of thinking about them is that they allow us to be proactive by first reminding us to recognize things that are often harmful – criticism, bullying, scolding, comparisons, jealousy -  and then to remember that we can actually choose how we allow these things to impact us! 

Imagine what special symbols, mantras or gestures you can create for your own self-protection.

Have any to share?

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COOTIES

Remember cooties and cootie catchers?  All you needed to do was fold a piece of paper – 4 times?  - to make a very effective cootie catcher. 

 What a wonderful creative metaphor!  check it out!

Let’s get those imaginary cootie catchers out of cold storage and keep them handy... 

When annoying negative words come your way – and let’s face it the air is full of them – just put those fast working, negative energy snatching tools to work – Whoa – can you see them flash!  Moving at the speed of age 12 – cleaning the air of nasty verbal debris – get a rhythm going – Zippaty Zap Zap…

What do you think?  Do we dance or what?!

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

From the moment we come into the world we begin to perceive the ‘otherness’ that teaches us about boundaries.  As toddlers we learn the next steps:

This is mine
That’s yours
You can’t take mine
I can’t take yours

As we grow older we develop the ability to share which is predicated on having these boundaries.

While each culture defines the specifics of boundaries differently (even within cultures the rules change based on gender, status and relationship) this awareness of limits exists and is crucial to our physical and emotional survival.



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Try this visual ‘game’ to explore your own personal boundaries:

Imagine you are wearing a very special “space suit” like the CSI people wear – booties and all – only yours is invisible!  It contracts closer to your body and expands out like a balloon.  You control this distance with your mind.

As you go through the day your “space suit” expands and contracts based on how you feel in each interaction with the world. 

You can give your suit colors – like those ‘mood rings’ of the 70’s that change as you feel more or less connection, intimacy, or need for protection.  What does your protective coloration tell you about your boundaries?

Now, to really mix things up, imagine that those around you are wearing similar suits!  What do you experience?

We’d love to hear the results of this experiment!

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BOUNDARY ALERT!

On the train to Washington a man sat down across from me reeking of cheap cologne.

“Is that tray in front of you yours?” he demanded.

“Well, yeah,” I replied, somewhat confused, looking from him to the tray with my coffee cup in it.

“Well,” he said, “I want to throw it away.  The trash you have on it offends me…”

Okaaay…

And then there was the lady several seats away YELLING into her cell phone…  Yikes!   The Quiet Car

How aware are we of where our boundaries end and someone else’s begin?

What do ya say?  Have any interesting boundary stories to share?

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SUNDAY SMILES

Tell it like it is

Today I had lunch with Izzy, age 80 and our 70 year old friend, Jack.

“This food is delicious!” Izzy said, eating with great gusto.

“Slow down,” Jack admonished, “there’s always tomorrow.”

“Who knows,” Izzy answered with a grin, going for thirds…

We ended our lunch laughing as another friend at the table shared her story. 

“I was 79 years old and not feeling too well,” she told us.  “So I went to the doctor.”

“You’re an old lady,” he told me,” and old people slow down.  You can’t expect to feel good.”                                    

She paused a moment and her eyes glittered.  “I looked that doctor in the eye and said F*** you!  Then I found a new doctor.  Now I’m 80 and I feel better than ever!”    

                                     

You go guys!  What do ya say?  Have any good stories to share?

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SECOND HELPINGS

I just watched a 3-legged dog dance down the street.  He was bouncing along, tail high and wagging and I could swear he was grinning!

What is it that allows some of us to handle life’s adversities with such élan and others to fall apart at the smallest challenge?

One way of looking at this comes from Mother Teresa:

“People are unreasonable and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.  Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.  Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end …it was never between you and them anyway.”

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

It is logical to feel resentment towards someone who has abused or offended us. Unfortunately, we also often feel diminished by others' generosity and support.  Where does this resentment towards our benefactors come from?

Perhaps it begins in our families where older children are praised for behaviors that the younger ones are not yet capable of – and then told to “help” their younger siblings. 

When one country gives support and aid to another it is almost always from a position of having more – more power, resources, riches.

Can you think of a way of helping and giving that doesn’t trigger these competitive feelings?

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Playing with the concept of balancing power is easy – just bring yourself back into the neighborhood playground and that always present seesaw…

Now imagine two different people – one you’ve helped and one who has helped you.

Get onto this imaginary teeter- totter with each of them (one at a time please!)  Give each person the amount of weight that matches the power you perceive them to have.  Who is heaviest – ie. has the most ‘weight’ or power?  What happens to the balance? 

Do you perceive yourself to have more power when you give or when you receive?  If you shift this what happens?

Play with this – up and down – more power- less – equal balance.
What do you discover?

Dance with it and share your revelations with us!

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THANKSGIVING?

So, what’s in a word? 

We are told the first Thanksgiving was a moment of gratitude by the Pilgrims to the Native Americans who helped them survive that harsh first winter.  Of course the payback was to inflict all the plagues of ‘civilization’ – disease, greed and usurping land…

Although counterintuitive, it is not unusual for us to be intimidated and feel resentful towards those who help us.

Remember the James Taylor song:

“Shower the people you love with love                   

Show them the way that you feel…”

Who are you thankful to and how do you show it?

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SUNDAY SMILES

JOKES - QUOTES - ANNECDOTES
and an occasional free give-away!

Three favorites for today:

"Everybody is a genius.  But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid."  Albert Einstein

"Remember to play after every storm."  Mattie Stepanek

And finally:

"Don't limit your challenges...
CHALLENGE YOUR LIMITS!"

Please share some Sunday smiles with us - just click on comments!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

The term Popularity, from the Latin 'popularis', originally meant "common" or "being well-liked".

Who was really popular during those adolescent years?  Do you think they felt popular?  How much of our self-esteem then and now, is based on the delusions and fantasies connected to that time of our lives?

"While popularity is a trait often ascribed to an individual, it is an inherently social phenomenon and thus can only be understood in the context of groups of people." read more

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Here’s a fun strategy using creativity and imagination:

First, imagine you are in a movie theater watching a high resolution film of your high school days.
Pay attention to the sound track and the color. ..
What are you feeling as you watch this movie?  Maybe you are walking in the halls? – standing at your locker? – in the gym? - at a school dance?…

What do you feel as you sit in the 'here and now' watching? 
What would you like to say from who you are now to that teenager? 

Next – and this is where your creativity kicks in – rewrite the film! 
Create a brand new movie and in this one give that kid everything they could have possibly wanted!  Remember – color – sound track – make this film version very lush! 

How do you feel now?

Finally – and this is super sophisticated – run both film versions at the same time in two “windows” next to each other.

And NOW voila!  Superimpose the one that makes you happiest over the other one!
What happens?

What do ya say?  Share the results of your ‘magic show’ with us…

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POPULAR

I went to my high school reunion and people came running.

“Whoa!”  “She’s here!”  “Hey!”  “Hi!”

All of a sudden everyone knew me… remember the lyrics to that song, “Popular”?

“Popular, you’re gonna be popular…”

Who were these aliens and what did they do with the kids I knew back in high school?

Sooo… were you popular in high school?

What do ya say?  Share some of those happy (twisted) memories with us!

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

Recent studies have explored the connection between increased brain function in those of us over 50 and the use of computers.  They theorize that because computers require us to switch mental gears frequently and process information in a new way, their use quickens our mental reaction time. 

Check out the Midus study



DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Yes, you can teach an old dog new tricks!  Every time you use your mind in a new way actually alters the brains’ neural circuits! 

Reading this Blog, thinking about it and writing comments all count as new tricks!  Woof!

Go through our Dance with It! sections and do the ‘exercises’. 
Write your dreams, talk to your dream characters – you are exercising your memory.  Woof!

Try a new life ‘dance’ step – if it’s new for you it counts!  Woof!

Dance with It and share some of your newest tricks with us!

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LAUGH OUT LOUD

One of my young clients was in the hospital and I thought I’d be totally cool by sending her a text with my love.  Very proud of myself, I wrote a nice message – and then added “lol”.  How was I to know that it didn’t mean lots of love…

 

Here’s the difference between the kids ( anyone under 30) and us elders – They know the lingo and we don’t – apps, upload, download, user interface…

S0 WHAT!  Once we get the jargon – Hey we can do it too! 

LOL!

What do ya say? 

Have any good tech stories to share?

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EVERYBODY COME TOGETHER

So I was standing on line at the bank and the young woman next to me was seriously punked out – all in black.  Okay, I was all in black too – but she had the piercings!

“I like your hair,” she said looking at my topknot.  “It’s very… Victorian.”  Then she grinned at me and said, “You’re a Victorian Punker!”

Do old ladies rock, or what?  

 

Let’s hear from you ladies.  Share some of your best “attitude” stories with us.

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

In a story written in 1845, Edgar Allan Poe designated the little voice in us that chooses to go in exactly the ‘wrong’ direction – and gets us into trouble – as the 'Imp of the Perverse'.  more   

It’s a theme that runs throughout literature – think Shakespeare’s Macbeth – and seems to be a universal human impulse!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...


Let’s face it – it feels like two characters in a power struggle, right?
“I want to!”  “No you can’t!”

How much of your energy do you think gets tied up in this push/pull?
How many times a day do you think these internal ‘voices’ go at it?

For the fun of it, imagine that you are directing a play with your two 'buddies'.
Here’s the script:

Voice 1 – The big bully – thinks s/he knows everything – actually is sure s/he does!
What does this character look like?  Sound like?  It’s your play – you write the script.

Voice 2 – The Rebel – absolutely refuses to listen to the Bully – sticks out its tongue – crosses its eyes – stomps its foot.
What does this one look like?  Sound like?

OK, now you have a two character script.  Let them start a dialogue with each other that goes beyond the first line.  Is there any way they can come to an accommodation?

The idea of this little experiment is to bring this internal dialog – that we all have – into conscious awareness – By playing with it – and laughing with it – we release some of our stuck energy and re-empower ourselves about the choices we make.

Dance with it and share your experiments with us!

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THE IMP OF THE PERVERSE

“Ah choo” he sneezed into the phone.  “Hey, sorry but I have to cancel our lunch.”

“Bad cold?” I asked.

“No,“ he replied sniffling. “It’s just our new little kitten.  You know, I’m allergic, but it’s so cute and I’m sure I’ll be ok after awhile… AH CHOO!”

Riiight!  What’s that all about?  How many times have you been down the path of “I’m sure it’ll be okay…”

What do ya say?  Have any good wishful thinking stories to share?

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

In reality, like our earth, we are constantly in a state of flux.  Not a single atom in our bodies is permanent!  There is a pretty strong chance that thousands of other humans through history held some of the same atoms that you currently hold in your body!  more  

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Are you one of those people who gets totally thrown off by changes?

You’re all set to do something – great plans – and then… your friends cancel!  Do you:

a)     Collapse and crawl under the bed?

b)     Get seriously angry and raid the fridge?

c)     Feel depressed, convinced they cancelled because they really don’t like you?  Or...

             
REMEMBER HOW IT FELT TO BE A KID WHEN SCHOOL GETS CANCELLED!  YES!

If you believe stability is resistance to change you are pushing against the river! 

Imagine holding your arms out in front of you, palms facing forward trying to hold back a flowing river.  Stay with that image a few minutes.  What do you experience?  What do you achieve?

Now imagine yourself on a watertight raft – you breathe deeply and flow with the moving water…knowing that your vessel is sturdy… you are actually enjoying the journey!  Feel how much easier everything is…

Dance with It and share your journey with us.

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