SUNDAY SMILES

The kindness of Strangers

Today the check-out line at the supermarket went on forever!  Only one line on a Sunday…Please!

People were getting really fidgety and starting to mumble … You know how that one goes – it starts with a mumble and develops into … baaad words!

But wait – a superhero appears!  She is about 5 years old, standing next to her mommy, watching everyone with her very big eyes.  

She smiled shyly, took a book out of her tiny backpack and in her halting, sweet, 5 year old voice began to read us all a story.

Those frowns turned to smiles as we all disappeared into the wonder of a tiny child’s magical world.

Thank you.

Happy Chinese New Year!

How fortunate we are with the diversity of cultures and the opportunity to share in many joyful celebrations!

This year on the Chinese Lunar calender is the Year of the Black or Water Snake.  A wonderful custom is to cleanse the house, sweeping away any ill fortune from the past year, making room for in-coming good luck! 

GONG XI FA CAI!  (Wishing you prosperity!)

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

Meditation is a way to focus attention and eliminate the stream of jumbled thoughts crowding our minds and creating stress.  (read more)

One of the goals is to eliminate information overload and negative emotions, partially by focusing on the present.

Perhaps part of the reason this works is that in the process of quieting and clearing our minds, we are also, at least temporarily, evicting our unwanted “renters”.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Take this opportunity to do some gratifying mental housecleaning!  It’s a 4 step process called “NABR”.

1)      N – Name your unwanted guests.  Whose messages are taking up space in your mind?  Any negative beliefs about yourself are not ‘native’ to you.  They have been imported and planted without permission!

Go through a quickie check-list:

Father?

Mother?

Siblings?

Friends?

Teachers?

Lovers/partners?

2)      A – Absolve and forgive these people for their intrusions.  Most of them didn’t want to cause you harm.  As counter-intuitive as it might seem, by forgiving them you are taking control!  An imaginary dialog with them might go something like this:

“You got into my head at a time I was vulnerable and I’ve been carrying around what you said.  I am going to forgive you for the harm you have caused.”

3)      B - Banish – Once you have granted that pardon, you have to banish them (their negative messages) from your kingdom.

4)      R - Replace – Now that mental zone is cleared and belongs to you!  Put thoughts there that encourage you and enable you to be happy!

PS.  You can borrow from others but only positive messages – After all you wouldn’t want bad tenants!

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RENTAL PROPERTY?

“I don’t want anyone renting space in my head!”  Dick stated vehemently.

Are we talking crazy?  Mentally ill?

Actually, no.  He was a really smart guy talking about all those accumulated negative messages that we seem to gather over the years.

“I’m still carrying my mother from age 5 yelling at me about tracking snow into the house," he continued. 

"Okay, she’s not talking about snow anymore, just about me being a slob.”

“And then there’s that 5^th grade teacher telling me I’m being lazy…”

Interesting that none of those voices are telling him what a wonderful, smart, caring guy he is, isn’t it?

What do ya say?  Whose voices are you allowing to rent space in your head?

Tomorrow:  Housecleaning!

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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

When children say “NO” and refuse to listen it is often to differentiate themselves from their parents – to define themselves as separate.

This can be a very healthy response to learning about boundaries. 

However, after our teenage years our boundaries are hopefully strong enough – and flexible enough – for us to be able to listen to others without fearing annihilation or loss of self.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Think back to the last right/wrong argument you had. 

Try answering the following questions:

How far back do you need to go to find that last argument?  For most of us it’s not too far…

What was the argument about? 
Can you remember the details? 
From your current perspective do you think they were really important? 

What were your feelings about the other person as you argued? 

Appreciation?  Generosity?  Contempt?

What words would you use right now to explain their position? 
How about yours?

Looking back on this disagreement, how could it have been played out differently?

What would have needed to happen in order for it to be a win/win?

        If we think “compromise” means giving in, it becomes a dirty word.

       Maybe a new paradigm would be GIVE-AND-TAKE!

       What do you think?

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MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY

She said:  “He wants everything his way!  Why did he bother getting involved with me if he didn’t want to listen to me?”

Really good question, right?

He said:  “I can’t believe some of the really dumb things she does!  Why is she with me if she doesn’t want to listen to what I say?”

Hmmm…

This is one of those perfect ‘win/lose’ set ups, isn’t it?

Unfortunately, ‘win/lose’ always turns into ‘lose/lose’!

Do you really think if one of them “wins” the other is not going to get them back? 

Sooner or later… KABOOM!

Sound familiar?  We seem to play this out with parents, siblings and friends. 

How do you think we got caught in this one-sided equation?

Whatever happened to sharing?

Any ideas?

Tomorrow:  Winning!

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SUNDAY SMILES

O0PS… AGAIN!

First my toilet seat cover broke… ok, I was leaning on it to get close enough to the mirror not to stab myself in the eye putting on mascara – at least I didn’t fall in …

Unfortunately, my lip gloss did.  It flew out of my hand – and took the plunge… Sad.  I really liked that lip gloss…

I avoided the bathroom for the next couple of hours not being sure what it might do next…

But after a good nap, the light bulb went off – DUCT TAPE! 

I found a roll – tiger print – but hey … It actually looks kind of cool.
Eat your heart out MacGyver!

What do ya say?
Got any creative moves to share?


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SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

To condemn tears in yourself or to fear them in others is limiting.  People often say, “I don’t want to start crying or I will never stop…”

In reality our tears probably help us heal.  They may also serve as a ‘chemo signal’ between members of our species. 

For instance, recent studies seem to indicate that when men are exposed to female tears their testosterone levels are temporarily lower!

Emotional tears – tears produced as a reaction to strong emotional stress - contain protein based hormones including leucine enkephalin - a natural painkiller.  Maybe that’s why crying makes us feel better!

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Like great artists, we humans have a very diverse palette – in this case of emotions - to work from. 

To limit our choices is to rob ourselves of some of the intensity, creativity and power of our nature.

Here’s a great visual aide to use:

Imagine a wheel – any size that you want – that has one position for each human emotion.   

Make sure to include sadness, happiness, anger, fear, hope, love, envy, pride… you know the list. 

Now decorate your wheel. 

You can include colors, images, sounds.  If you want, you can actually construct a three dimensional, hold-in-your-hands wheel, or you can make a drawing.  

Or your wheel can totally be a figment of your wonderful imagination!

This image you have just created is your own personal palette – all of these emotions – this incredible richness of human potential - belong to you. 

You can allow yourself to visit any position on your wheel, knowing that you also have the power to turn the wheel and move on…

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