SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

Is it possible that we are genetically programmed for this one too? 

There is no way to ignore whining.  Whining is one of the most annoying sounds known to us – like fingernails on a chalkboard, it’s a sound that instantly gets our attention. 

That grating tone of voice jangles our nerves, stops us in our tracks, and makes us react.

Some theories suggest that there could be a survival of the species role for this un-ignorable sound.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS

An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...



The following suggestions are borrowed from a web-site dealing with whining kids – but hey…  (read more)

FIVE SURE FIRE STEPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH WHINERS:

1)      Realize that the person is not using whining to deliberately drive you crazy!  They just want to be heard, so it’s a good thing, right?

2)     Call out the whining!  Demonstrate to the whiner how they sound – but of course don’t be mocking!  (Ha)

3)     Practice your Buddha breathing – stay calm… (teeth gritting is not recommended!)

4)     Do not give in!

5)     When all else fails … stick out your tongue and stick your fingers in your ears! 

Hey, age appropriate, right?


What do ya say?  Any other strategies?

TOMORROW:  SILVER LININGS

To comment: click on the word "comments" below - write in the box, then go to "comment as" and choose how you want to sign in, then click publish. Check back for replies to your comments!

-           

 

TAKING THE FALL

I went to a meeting last night and commented that the poor turn-out probably had to do with short notice.  No brainer, right?

Wrong!  OMG you would have thought I accused these people of matricide!  Especially this one woman whose whining about not being appreciated was truly embarrassing! 

“You’re not even grateful for all the hours we put into setting this up!” she bleated woefully.  (She was right about that – talk about wasted time!)

Everyone in the room turned to look at the evil fiend (me) who had caused this poor little lamb such obvious suffering.

Don’t you just hate getting penalized for something you didn’t do? 

Echoes of years past:

“Mommy,” child one whines woefully, “She hit me!”

Not true, but you know what happens. 

Mommy, who missed the action, turns around at yells, “Stop hitting your little brother!”

                    

ARGH!

And how, pray tell, do you set that record straight?

TOMORROW:  GENETICS...AGAIN?

To comment: click on the word "comments" below - write in the box, then go to "comment as" and choose how you want to sign in, then click publish. Check back for replies to your comments!

SUNDAY SMILES

The kindness of strangers – Part II

I heard a loud commotion across the street.  An elderly man, using one of those white canes, was getting into a heated argument with the young woman who works in the bakery.

He was yelling at her and waving his cane.  She was starting to get that frozen chipmunk look on her face (maybe I mean deer, you know, in the headlights?)

Carol to the rescue!  I tied my Super Girl cape on and trotted across the street.  After all, I’m supposed to be good at things like this, right?

He was ranting (sorry, but he was…) about his fingernails and how he needed them cut.

“Look,” he shouted.  “See how bad they are,” he demanded, waving those nails a little too close for comfort.

“Sir,” I suggested, I thought kindly…  “How about we go inside and I buy you a cup of coffee?” 

“No!”  he shouted, becoming more and more agitated.  “Why are people always trying to buy me coffee?  Do you think I can drink coffee all day?  What’s wrong with you!?”

Okay, at this point I thought that last question was pretty astute…

“Listen,” I tried again.  “How about if I give you some money and maybe you can find someplace to get your nails cut?”  Yes, I admit I was giving up and passing the problem on to someone else…

I took out a $20 bill and handed it to him – or tried to…  The bill somehow got fumbled and fell to the sidewalk…

He looked at me in disgust.

“What’s wrong with you!?  He shouted again loud enough for everyone on the street to turn around and stare.  He grabbed the $20 and stomped off down the street shaking his head, muttering about how stupid some people were…      

 

What do ya think? 

Have any good Superhero tales to share?               

To comment: click on the word "comments" below - write in the box, then go to "comment as" and choose how you want to sign in, then click publish. Check back for replies to your comments!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

Like many other traits we have, it is hypothesized that envy is probably an adaptive evolutionary trait! 

The belief is that at a time when resources were scarce it helped keep our species competitive.

This theory goes on to explain that our discomfort with acknowledging envy also fits because of the ‘one down’ position that envy seems to imply.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...


Struggling with envy?  Here’s a sure fire way to diminish the discomfort:

1)      Cop to it!  (Yeah I know - dating myself again, but some expressions say it all…)

Acknowledging our emotions is always a first step in getting control over their impact on our lives.

2)      Give yourself a “So What!  After all, face it, if it’s in our DNA…

So you envy that guy’s millions – if you really think about it, you don’t want to be him, you just want his money!

3)      As always, remind yourself of who you are and what you do have. 

       It’s okay to envy someone else’s stuff but never to diminish yourself!

Two last thoughts about envy:

-         

 Envy is comparing someone’s else’s outside to your insides.

And a story of the Plotkin Diamond:

Two ladies are sitting next to each other at some ritzy event.   

Lady 1 admires Lady 2’s gigantic diamond ring.

“It’s gorgeous,” she says enviously.

“Yes,” agrees Lady 2.  “It’s called the Plotkin Diamond.  But it comes with a curse.”

“Oh,” says Lady 1.  “What’s the curse?”

“Plotkin” sighs Lady 2, looking down the table at her husband.

What do ya say?  Have any good envy stories to share?

To comment: click on the word "comments" below - write in the box, then go to "comment as" and choose how you want to sign in, then click publish. Check back for replies to your comments!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY?

Oh puhleeze! 

The last time it was really happy was probably in kindergarten or first grade when we all made Valentines and everyone got the exact same cards – the same number and type. 

And then… OMG competition!  Who got more, who got them from the cutest, most popular boy/girl in the class?

Whose Mom brought in the best cupcakes…

Then maybe with our first love it got good again – if our best friend’s first love didn’t go all out and do better than ours… who got the best, biggest heart? 

Who was most disappointed and what really did it say about you and your choices? 

And remember when the wrong person gave you the right gift!  

YIKES!

What’s your favorite Valentine’s Day memory?  Did you ever get it right?

Tomorrow:  Envy?

To comment: click on the word "comments" below - write in the box, then go to "comment as" and choose how you want to sign in, then click publish. Check back for replies to your comments!

SERIOUSLY SPEAKING

One very interesting theory explains this connection between abuser and abused as an evolutionary trait aimed at survival of the species.  According to this belief, since early in our human history when one tribe attacked another, female hostages were taken into the conquering tribe. In order to survive they had to accept and take on the values of the aggressor.   

We are most used to understanding this way of interacting as Stockholm Syndrome, the behavior of kidnap victims who become sympathetic to their captors.  This is considered to be a desperate and usually unconscious act of self preservation.

This behavior is also called ‘capture-bonding’ or ‘traumatic-bonding’ - defined as the strong emotional ties that develop between two people where one intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses or intimidates the other.

DANCE WITH IT!   EXPERIENTIAL APPS
An opportunity to experiment with some fun ideas...

Of course there are many degrees of abusive relationships – for the most part, not as extreme as our gorilla story.  But, let’s face it, almost all of us have been in at least one of these relationships at some time, with a boss, a parent, a teacher, a romantic partner.

Think about it: 

          Have you been in a relationship that could fit into this category?

If your answer is yes:

What would have happened if you had faced the nature of the relationship head on?

How many times did you find yourself saying: “He/she didn’t really mean it…”

“They just had a bad day…”

“It’s just the way they talk…”

“They’re just trying to help me improve…”

“They had a bad childhood…”

Now ask yourself what would have happened if you stopped making excuses?  What belief of your own kept you hooked in?

Unfortunately, this is a really pervasive human dance!

What do you need to do to give yourself permission to say NO!

To comment: click on the word "comments" below - write in the box, then go to "comment as" and choose how you want to sign in, then click publish. Check back for replies to your comments!

GORILLA TALES

(With apologies to my anthropological friends…and close evolutionary relations…)

There’s this lady on Safari in deepest Africa who gets kidnapped by a wild gorilla.  The gorilla takes her off to his nest in the trees.  He brutalizes her and keeps her prisoner.  She suffers terribly. 

Finally she’s rescued and returns to her home weak and bedraggled.  A month later, when she’s recovered enough to receive visitors her best friend comes to see her.

“My God it must have been terrible,” she sympathizes.  “You look like hell.  How are you doing?”

“What can I tell you,” our heroine replies.

“He doesn’t write, he doesn’t call…”

What do ya say?  Been there?  Done that?

Care to share your best gorilla stories?  Let’s hear from you!

Disclaimer:  In today’s story the villain happens to be a male gorilla, but hey, as we all know, bad behavior is unisex!

To comment: click on the word "comments" below - write in the box, then go to "comment as" and choose how you want to sign in, then click publish. Check back for replies to your comments!